Thursday, February 7, 2013


How did you make it past my defenses? I really thought that I had built them too high for anyone to climb over. That I was impenetrable.

and yet here I am, lying at your feet.

I feel tricked, misled, taken advantage of. I trusted you, but this brokenness is all you have left me with.

just broken

And I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to heal the damage you caused. I don't know if I can learn to trust again.  Not just you... but anyone. How can I trust anyone when my judgment has proved to be so poor?

What I want is to be reborn and to build walls even higher. If you could scale them, someone else could, too.  But... higher is just a bigger challenge for the next one, isn't it? And it may be higher, but I've learned that, no matter the height, the walls are never unscalable. There will always be someone, with enough motivation or desire or, yes, capacity for cruelty, who can top them. And then where are we left?

And so, I am lying here on what remains of our battlefield and pondering... where do I go from here? Is there such a thing as enough protection to stop this from ever happening again?

Or am I simply left forever, lying at your feet, craving something that I don't have a name for.. but only a desperate longing for something else.

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