Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I'm Glad I... Walked Away
I'm Glad I... walked away from unhealthy friendships
This is probably the most difficult thing I've done over the past few years. It was the hardest to do. It's still hard to talk and write about. It still makes my heart constrict inside my chest. And yet, in retrospect, doing it remains something that I think was wise.
Sometimes friendships turn out to be not-healthy. Maybe they didn't start out that way, and that's how they got to be friendships. But, you get to a point where you look around and realize that the relationship you're in isn't very good for you. There can be lots of components that make it that way. Maybe you've just begun to chafe against each other too much. Maybe you've changed in ways they haven't, and vice versa, and you keep trying to make each other fit into the molds of who you were before. Maybe you're giving more than they are, and it's become a one-way relationship, or maybe it's you that's taking it all. There can be lots of things that contribute...
But, one day, you get to a place where you realize... "This relationship just isn't good for me. It's becoming unhealthy."
But walking away is... fraught with so much. There's all the time you've already put into it. There's the fact that recognizing the unhealthiness of the relationship doesn't mean you don't CARE about the person anymore, and you don't want to hurt them. There's the "but what if they still need me?" worry (em, this might just be me and my own co-dependence.. more on that in a couple weeks). There's the weighty thought that you are choosing to walk away. To be a quitter. And quitting on something that once (and maybe still does) mean so much to you. It's knowing that you're walking away from something you love. Even if you believe it's best, it's HARD.
If you're there, if you're in the spot right now where you're thinking "I think I should walk from this," I want to encourage you to do it. You are not a bad person for recognizing that where you are is not good. Sometimes it really is best.... for both of you. Sometimes holding onto something that was once great keeps you both from being in relationships that ARE great. Trying to be the person someone else wants you to be keeps you from being the person you're meant to be.
I can't tell you that walking away is easy. It isn't. It hurts. And months later, it still hurts. Sometimes the guilt is still heavy. Sometimes the bittersweet memories twist inside and bring such sorrow. But even as they do, I know it was right.
Hard. But right.