Monday, August 29, 2011

10 Things I Wish I Could Go Back and Say to Me

1.  To 10 year old Me: "You're wrong.  I know it doesn't seem like it today, but things will be okay again.  And you will be happy again. And you will one day look back at today, and see how it shaped you into who will be... and in good ways."

2.  To 24 year old Me: "Don't sell it.  You're a busy mom to three very small children.  You don't have time to practice, and it costs money you don't currently possess to fix it.  But someday, you will look back and kinda wish you still had your flute."

3.  To 8 year old Me: "Tell Mom it was your fault.  Do it now, get it over with.  Save yourself 8 years of guilt. She knows, anyway."

4.  To 22 year old Me: "Don't be in such a hurry to get to the next phase. Enjoy what you have while you have it.  It flees so quickly."

5.  To 18 year old Me: "Just go home. You don't belong here and you are lost.  Wait and start over next year.  But wait at home where you aren't alone."

6. To 14 year old Me (and 15 year old Me, and 16 year old Me, and 17 year old Me): "Be nicer to your dad.  He's not really trying to ruin your life."

7.  To 33 year old Me: "Pay attention to manipulation. It comes in many forms and you are blind to most of them."

8. To Me at just about every age: "Enjoy where you are. Dream, hope, plan for the future, yes.  But enjoy where you are right now."

9. To 15 year old Me: "Umm, you know that Mom doesn't really buy that it's cooler a block away, right?"

10. To Yesterday Me: "Don't let who you think you are expected to be become who you think you must be.  Be who you are.  Nothing more, nothing less."


4 comments:

  1. I'm always curious about the stories behind these, but I like reading them blind as well. :D

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  2. lol Some of them I can tell... some are too recent to tell or there just isn't that much to them, but some I'm happy to tell.

    1. The day my mom told me that she and my dad were getting divorced, I fell apart and wailed that "things would never be okay ever again!"

    2. Not much to tell. My flute needed a good deal of work to playable... I didn't have the money. The kids were all little and I didn't have time to practice, anyway, so I sold it for uber-cheap to a family with a junior high daughter who needed one. I'm not sorry about who it ended up with, but I've always been a little sorry that I don't still have it.

    3. When my sister was almost-5, and I was about 8, we had bunk beds. Normally, I slept on the top and Carey slept on the bottom, but one night, she wanted to switch. So we did, but then she got scared and wanted to hold my hand. So I reached mine up, she reached hers down... and in terrible big-sister fashion, just as our fingers were about to touch, I pulled my hand down "just this much," and told her I couldn't reach. So she reached down a little further... and I pulled mine down a little more. This went on a couple times until she reached down too far... and fell out of the bed. And broke her arm.

    Oh my gosh... I was WRACKED with guilt, as I should have been!! But I was terrified of the trouble I would get into, so I kept it a secret and I didn't tell. 8 years go by... I feel guilty about this the whole time. Finally, when I was about 16, we were driving home from somewhere, and I finally 'fessed up to my mom what had happened, and that it had been my fault.

    "Oh, I knew that," she said.

    "WHAT?" I was incredulous... I had felt SO guilty for so long and she had known the whole time! "Why didn't you say anything??"

    "Oh, I didn't want you to feel guilty." LOL!

    5. I had my first real experience with depression during my first year of college. The first college I went to ended up being a really terrible fit for me, culture-wise. I didn't realize it was depression at the time. Only later when I really went through it hard again when the kids were little did I recognize it for what it had been. I went back for my spring semester after Christmas, but looking back, I should have just stayed home. It was a waste of money and time, and I didn't get any extra points by "doing it by myself."

    9. LOL Oh, I was such a foolish girl. 15 was when Joel and I started really flirting with each other. There was a junior high down the street from my house and he would ride his bike there sometimes to shoot his basketball. And I remember trying to convince my mom that the reason I wanted to go to the school to "read my book" was because it was cooler over there. Four houses away. I really thought she bought it, too.

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  3. I would have felt guilty too!! Thanks for sharing. :)

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  4. What a great idea for a post. Thanks for sharing :)

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