Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Holes That Don't Fit

Many years ago, I was part of an online group of friends, lovely people that I loved and cared for (and still do).  But I ended up leaving the group for an extended period.

A lot of things happened. I changed. I changed a lot.

And then I tried to go back.  But, it just didn't work.

There were a lot of things going on there, but in retrospect, I think that a lot of it was that I had changed.  But the hole that was left for me was in the shape of the person I had been before. I kept trying to shove my changed self into a hole that no longer fit me, and I eventually gave up. Who I had been and who I was just no longer matched... and I couldn't figure out how to reconcile the two.

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Maybe I've been going through something similar lately. I've changed over the last couple years -- and in ways that I'm pleased with. Ways that I don't wish to unchange.

And I think that I've been trying to force people to fit into my changes. That I've asked them to change in ways themselves that parallel mine.  And perhaps they have been doing the same... changing and expecting me to line up accordingly.

I think that perhaps I've come to a place where I am beginning to understand that happiness won't come by expecting others to change for you, or expecting others to fit into your changes, or to change in the same ways that you are. It comes in knowing who you are, who you've become -- and living accordingly with who that is.

Sometimes that means accepting that the people who fit with you before... don't. And that doesn't make anyone bad. It just means that the longer you stay trying to shove each other into who you want them to be now, the longer you'll both be unhappy.  That perhaps the answer is to just let each other be changed - and maybe that means parting ways.  That is an okay thing

Not all roads run together forever. But that doesn't mean that both roads don't lead to somewhere worthy of going.

3 comments:

  1. I feel the same way and I think we are talking about the same thing.

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  2. Sometimes I think the distance between people causes some problems too. Like we don't know HOW the other person has changed, and sometimes we don't even know how we have changed. Maybe? But I am learning it is okay to let people go, even in the best of circumstances, though sometimes still a little heart breaking still.

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  3. I love this JoJo. And I love you...I hear this resonating within my own soul. Life changes and there are times that its impact changes us, sometimes deeply. After losing my Daddy, I have said my foundation is the same, but my furniture has been rearranged...its effect has had its impact, but those who have pressed in enough, sat down silently, lovingly with me in the ashes...have had the benefit of seeing, knowing that I am still me...although changed by deeply painful events...because how can you NOT be changed but such deep changes and losses? I am grateful for the patience of grace from those who stood along side me and grace I have learned to give myself...and the lessons I am still learning along this journey of life...and I have come to realize that changes dont just effect me but affect those around me and that I can/should have grace, compassion, patience and love for that too....

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