It was a low place.
My kids were in this tough pre-teen phase. I'd walked away from some friendships that needed walking away from. Someone I had a lot of respect for changed from what I thought they were, leaving me disheartened and confused. And mostly, I just wasn't who I had set out to be, and I was lost.
I sat there, amongst all the rubble of my life and relationships and self, surveying all the damage and wondering how on earth I could stand up and make something beautiful once more. How could I start again when everything, including myself, was so broken?
When there is so much to be fixed, where do you start? I felt like a little kid, thrown into her very messy bedroom (admittedly, messy by her own actions) with the instructions to "Get your room clean!" You know that feeling, don't you? You look around and there is mess everywhere. It's not that you don't want to clean it, or aren't willing to clean it. It's just that there is SO MUCH that you don't even know where to start.
You can start over.
Even amongst all the rubble, you can start over. Dig deep inside of you and you will find the strength. You don't get rid of the rubble in one fell swoop, it doesn't happen that easily or quickly. But you deal with the rubble in the same way that you deal with the messy room. One piece at a time.
Maybe you're even lucky and you have someone who is willing to come alongside of you and help to pick up the pieces. They are the people who love you when you need to be loved, but also push you when you need to be pushed.
Rebuilding a life, a relationship, a self... it takes time. But you can start anew and build something beautiful once again.