Friday, January 22, 2016

Thoughts about CT and Me...

I emailed the manager for Byrne and Kelly last week to ask for general summer tour dates. I'm planning this Ireland trip and I was hoping that they wouldn't be happening at the same time.

Not that I would have really moved our trip around... I've come into a bit of unexpected budget, so with a slightly more extended trip, I don't have a lot of wiggle room on timing, anyway!

After her answer, I considered making sure that my trip wouldn't overlap with the Celtic Thunder fall tour either... but I never went to the trouble when I realized that it wouldn't bother me that much to miss it.

I stepped back a moment, eyed that thought with a touch of emotional detachment, and Hmmm'd.

Why wouldn't it bother me?

This isn't a "I'm done with Celtic Thunder!" or anything... I'm not upset. But... an acknowledgement that I feel differently than I did.

Partly, I know that I'm not really on-board with the content direction of the show lately. I liked it when we had new things every year or so...  The last three years of Nothing New/Rehash the Old doesn't interest me that much and the Constantly Revolving Door makes me a little tired.

It's taken me a year to come to peace about my relationship with the show's producer. We used to be friends -- and I will always be thankful for that friendship. I was awfully spoiled... and while most people just saw that, it was the more personal things that came with it that were important to me.  I will always be grateful for those things. They were kindnesses that came from knowing who I was, and caring about that person --

It was a friendship that meant something to me. We'll leave it at that.

And I've never been happy with the way it ended. But after a year, I can say that I'm at peace with it. I never really understood it.. I believe I deserved better... but I also don't really think it had anything to do with me. -- So I can leave it there and acknowledge that I don't want to pick it up again.

I stepped back from a lot of "being a fan." I gave myself permission this year to stop feeling like I had to support every castmember... and just started following the ones I really liked and that's made things quieter and nicer and less frenetic.

I'm not done with Celtic Thunder at all. Even with the things I don't love, I still like it and I still enjoy the shows. Probably, the truth is that as long as Ryan's a part of the cast, I'll be there.

But I feel less married to it.

2 comments:

  1. wow... I so agree. And I don't know really why. My husband was asking me about the next tour and some other things, and I realized that not only did I not know, I wasn't anxious about not knowing.

    I kind of miss the excitement and the anticipation and the thought that I have one area of my life that is completely crazy and explainable. I enjoyed the camaraderie of those who "get it". But yes... I'm moving on. I love the solo shows. I'll still go to the CT show if it's in my area. I'm still holding to the mandate that my daughter put on me that first year "If you have to fly, you've crossed the line to crazy fan". But weren't we all "crazy" in some way. I did things to enable me to attend shows that I would NEVER have done in most circumstances.

    And I'm so glad I did.

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  2. My thoughts exactly, K. And my experience as a fan! Including having my husband ask me a few weeks ago about Celtic Thunder and when they would be on tour. No regrets here :)

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