Getting People to Change

Things get different when you stop trying to change people to fit your desires and simply let them be who they are. Women often complain about a man's propensity to run in to fix situations that they deem need solutions. But, I think perhaps we women are just as guilty.

Only it isn't situations that we think need our interference -- it's people.

How many women get involved with men and think, "If I can just get him to change this one thing, he'll be perfect?" And we apply that thinking to, not just men, but a myriad of different relationships.

I've a friend who used to say that often our strongest strengths and our deepest weaknesses are really different-extremed manifestations of the same character trait. A person who is deeply kind might also be a terrible pushover. Or a person who bleeds stubbornness might also possess strong determination.

So, really... when we try to wrangle a weakness out of the people we purport to love, are we also stripping them of their best strengths as well?

Of late, I suppose I've just come to the conclusion that I have enough issues of my own without needing to go around borrowing other people's, too. So I'm trying to love people for who they are, be as kind as I can, and let go of my needs to be right and in control.

I know that all sounds very goody-two-shoes and Pollyanna-esque. But, it isn't. I get frustrated. I get annoyed. I think that I know best. I get hurt.

I suppose that's when I make myself take a breath, go back to Square One, and think about who I want to be and how I want to treat people -- and then reset my path and my thoughts from there.

It isn't always easy. It usually isn't. But I think that it makes my heart calmer and happier ... and in the end, maybe that is easier.