Saturday, November 7, 2015

Getting People to Change

Things get different when you stop trying to change people to fit your desires and simply let them be who they are. Women often complain about a man's propensity to run in to fix situations that they deem need solutions. But, I think perhaps we women are just as guilty.

Only it isn't situations that we think need our interference -- it's people.

How many women get involved with men and think, "If I can just get him to change this one thing, he'll be perfect?" And we apply that thinking to, not just men, but a myriad of different relationships.

I've a friend who used to say that often our strongest strengths and our deepest weaknesses are really different-extremed manifestations of the same character trait. A person who is deeply kind might also be a terrible pushover. Or a person who bleeds stubbornness might also possess strong determination.

So, really... when we try to wrangle a weakness out of the people we purport to love, are we also stripping them of their best strengths as well?

Of late, I suppose I've just come to the conclusion that I have enough issues of my own without needing to go around borrowing other people's, too. So I'm trying to love people for who they are, be as kind as I can, and let go of my needs to be right and in control.

I know that all sounds very goody-two-shoes and Pollyanna-esque. But, it isn't. I get frustrated. I get annoyed. I think that I know best. I get hurt.

I suppose that's when I make myself take a breath, go back to Square One, and think about who I want to be and how I want to treat people -- and then reset my path and my thoughts from there.

It isn't always easy. It usually isn't. But I think that it makes my heart calmer and happier ... and in the end, maybe that is easier.

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