Tuesday, September 1, 2015

You Have Permission

When I was a very young mother, I remember visiting the NICU to say Hello to our nurses shortly after taking our last twin home. I was sharing with the two that I had grown closest to how tired I was. I was trying to breastfeed -- which meant feeding one premature twin, feeding the second one. Repeatedly waking her up because she'd fall asleep after sucking twice, and starting again. Supplementing her with bottle feeding because it was important that she have a certain amount per feeding. Pumping breast milk. Changing everyone's diapers. And by the time that was done, it was pretty much time to do it all over again.

One of them touched my hand and said, "They're three months old and you are already a mess. It is okay to formula feed. It doesn't make you a bad mom."

And I cried.  Because I needed the permission. I just needed someone to say "It's okay."

I've grown up a bit since then... and don't need anyone else's permission so much.
But I find that I do need my own.

So, as we head into a new school year, I'm giving myself permission.

Permission to be myself.
Permission to be involved or not involved.
Permission to say yes.
Permission to say no.
Permission to do all the things.
Permission to be busy.
But also permission to do none of the things.
Permission to relax.
Permission to try.
Permission to fail.
Permission to succeed.
Permission to grow.
Permission to fly.

You, Jo, have free rein this year. Live without apology.

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