Saturday, April 18, 2015

When Being "All-In" Ends in Pain

None of this is really mine, but it struck me enough that I wanted to share it.

I was trying to catch up on my YouTube subscriptions the other day and I came across this video from Carrie Hope Fletcher. I love her. I stumbled across her while watching the Becoming YouTube series a couple years ago, thought she was sort of adorable, and wanted to check her out.  Since, she's become one of my favorite people to watch. Her demographic isn't really me... but then again, it is.

In the video, she talks about heartbreak and how strongly it can affect us.  But, what she said that caught me and spoke to me and convicted me and begrudgingly made me sign on was this:

When we encounter situations that don't work out... whether that be love or friendship or work or whatever... the level of the heartbreak that we feel is directly related to the amount that we cared, to the amount of energy and emotion that we put into the thing that didn't pan out the way that we had hoped.

The more we cared, the more we end up hurting.  So when things don't work out and we are broken-hearted?  It isn't a bad thing to feel that way.  What that heartbreak means is that we really cared about the thing. We cared about it so much that letting go of it just really hurts a lot. We were all-in and we committed our heart, so of course our hearts hurt. We needn't be ashamed of that.

When things don't pan out, it's easy and natural and understandable to want to pull back from everything.  It's easy to say, "Well, that really hurt. I don't want to ever feel that way again so I'm going to make sure that I never give of myself like that again."  And you can do that.  You can.

And if you don't give much of yourself to the next thing, it is true that you are less likely to hurt in that all-in way again. But your rewards are also connected to how much you care, how much you give, how much you commit.  So... while it's true that hurts might be less if you give less, your rewards and, as Carrie put it, your victories are only worth that little bit of caring too.

So... you can't.  Really, you can't. You can't let being hurt stop you from being all-in from the next thing or the next person or the next relationship or even the things and relationships that are already part of your life. You may hurt less... but you will win less too.

So keep being all-in. Keep being that person that cares "too much." A world full of people afraid to care would be a sad one, wouldn't it?


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