Easter has come and gone, so I figured it'd be good to take a look back at how Lent went. Nearly a week late, but I'm busy raising teenagers and saving the world.
This is not the first time I've attacked the idea of learning to care less what people think. It's something I've come back to more than once, something I struggle with over the long-term. When I first got involved with Celtic Thunder, their producer used to tell me, when I was hurt by things that people had said, that I needed to learn to let things roll off my back, that it didn't matter what those people thought if it wasn't the truth.
She was right... but I remember thinking then -- "But how?"
And so it's something that I've come back to more than once. But I think it's something that I grow a little more from each time. I think of the arena in Catching Fire, from the Hunger Games series. Do you remember how it went in a clock and each "hour" of the clock was a different catastrophe? Sometimes I feel like the lessons I learn are like a road that winds through a world like that on a mountain. And the road goes through each "hour" more than once... but it winds up through the mountain. Each time you go through the hour... it's the same kind of trial, but the road is a little different. And what you learn is a little different each time, and every time you go through it, you learn a little more and you grow a little more.
Does that make sense? I would draw you a picture, but I'm a terrible artist, and you would be all, "Is that a mountain...or... a .... penis?" Trust me. It wouldn't be pretty.
So what did I learn this time?
This time, I think I learned that I can order my own world in such a way that the people who don't matter to me... aren't seen by me. I am always going to care what the people I care about think, and I don't think that's a bad thing-- and it's not something that I want to not do. But it doesn't make a lot of sense to get overly worked up over the opinions of those that I neither like nor want to be in relationship with.
So I changed my internet presence... or I changed what I could see. I was proactive about not clicking into places where I was likely to be worked up. I let things go... When I was in conversation with someone who I didn't agree with... but that I also knew I had no chance of changing their beliefs, I just let it go. It wasn't worth getting into or spending my emotion on it. After all, what did it matter if someone thought something different?
I don't know that I was really tested over the last several weeks. I didn't really do anything of note that would create drama or fiery sentiments. And maybe that will be the next time through the "hour" on my mountain. Maybe there will be something new to learn then.
But for now, I'm happy with the last couple months. I feel like I made some changes that were healthy and that put me in a better place to move forward.