I had a very Celtic Thunder-centered past week. I started by going to a concert in my hometown and spending the weekend with my family. This was all very nice. CT doesn't come to Eugene very often and because of the crackpot way they pledge that show, there really isn't a huge base of overinvolved fans there. (Nobody get excited, I put myself in the same category.) So, it was honestly nice to go and simply enjoy the show without all the trappings of the fan community. Relaxing and lovely.
The next event would be different and I knew it. I was going up to Canada with my best friend, for our much loved Abbotsford road trip.
For a long time, I have been involved with the show and its producer in a minor role. As such, for a long time, I have felt like I had to fill a certain role when I went to their shows. I felt like I had to represent. I felt like I had to make nice, and be bubbly and enthusiastic, and pretend with people who I knew were cruel to me behind my back. It was the one part of attending Celtic Thunder shows that I hated the most. It was fake and difficult and unproductive -- they were just going to go home and talk shit anyway.
This time, I decided I wasn't going to do that. I wasn't going to be rude. But, I wasn't going to pretend that people I didn't even like were my best friends and I was just so happy to see them. Smile and wave is polite and I could do that honestly. But really, I was there to enjoy my favorite show with one of my absolute favoritest people in the world. I wasn't going to waste it with pretend smiles and uncomfortable small talk.
So I didn't. And it was kind of awesome. I just enjoyed myself... and enjoyed the companionship with my friend... without having to be someone that I didn't really want to be.
And you know what? That was okay too!
I don't honestly know what those people thought... and that's okay with me. I don't really care. The people that I care about love me... and I would suppose that this is what really matters.
So the lesson.
I spent a whole evening being who I wanted to be, around people that would ordinarily make me feel like I needed to be someone else. I did it unapologetically.
And I didn't die.
In fact.... I was a lot happier.