Tuesday, February 24, 2015

LENT: Behind My Lenten Journey

So far, this is going well… but perhaps this is more because I’m busy or because I haven’t done anything much in the last 24 hours to make anyone mad at me.

A little truth…  This decision was borne out of not-a-little mad.  That might not be the best place to pick a Lent thing from, I guess, but it’s true. I have had someone following me on Twitter for the last year or so.  They are friends with someone who… hates me….  And I’ve never been quite sure of them. Were they following me to be nice or to simply “spy?”  which is a little silly, since everything I do is public.  But that was my skepticism. Could they be trusted to be a friend or did I always need to keep them at arm’s length?

Twice, in the last week, they’ve responded to tweets I’ve written.  But… not in a reply-y sort of way, but by RTing what I said with a possibly challenging comment with it.  The first time, I responded brightly. The second, I ignored it. I don’t know why someone would respond that way if they were interested in communication.  It really seemed to me like the action was taken as a way to call me out, as a way to publicize further the remark I made that they disagreed with or took issue with… in the hopes that others would do the same.

I guess I’m just fed up.  I don’t want to do that crap anymore, and as I talked myself into NOT responding to the second comment… my conversation went “Why do you even care what they think? You’ve been nice, but you know that you’re not friends, and you know that you don’t trust them to have your best interests at heart or to even ever interpret your words in a positive light. … So why do you care?”

It was to that thought that Lent came about for me.  That voice was right. Why do I care? Why do I let those people make me less? Why do I let that poison change me?

Joel said it best years ago when he asked me, “Why would you let bitter unhappy people change who you are?

My husband is a smart man. He’s right… why would I?  and that’s what this Lent is about for me.  I’m going to change that. I’m going to change my propensity to focus on the opinions of others. I am going to learn to be comfortable with who I am… even if no one else is.

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