Friday, October 24, 2014

Coming Apart to Come Together

Sometimes the answer to a broken relationship isn't so much "No" as it is "Not yet."

Or even "Not as you are."

It hurts when a relationship breaks up, doesn't it? You wanted so much for it to work out, and then it doesn't. And you're left with heartache, broken hopes and dreams, new fears, and a wondering of what it was about you that wasn't okay.

But sometimes it isn't that you weren't meant to be friends or lovers... but you just needed to grow up a little first. You needed to grow. They needed to grow.  And then you could start again.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We began dating in the spring of our sophomore year, wee babes of 15. We made googly eyes. We passed notes. We spent every waking moment together. By Day 3, we were saying "I love you."

And by the middle of that summer, we'd broken up.  There were lots of little reasons for that... 20 years later, we probably still disagree on what those reasons are.  But, the honest truth of it was that we just needed to mature the tiniest bit.  We needed to approach our relationship differently.  And a few months as "just friends" allowed us to do that...

It wasn't really even that long before we tried again, but with different perspectives...  and we have nearly 20 years of marriage to show for that.

But it isn't just romantic relationships... friendships, too.  Sometimes things don't work out the first time. But the second time? The second time can be much better. It can be more honest, more intelligent. You learn things by coming apart that you need when you come back together. And learning those things makes you a stronger person, and can make the relationship stronger as well...

Sometimes it isn't the relationship that needs healing. It's the people that need growth.  And it's okay to come apart for awhile in order to do that.

If you're meant to be connected, you'll find each other again.

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