Today is Day 4.
Four days ago, I "unliked" Celtic Thunder. I unliked their Facebook page, and those of all the 47 castmembers -- yes, even my favorites. I took all my CT-related lists out of my Tweetdeck.
Initially, this wasn't a big deal. It's not completely out of character for me to unlike a page when one of the guys is getting on my nerves. I always figure it's best to "unlike" for a few hours while my temper cools. It saves them from feeling the brunt of my sometimes caustic tongue, and saves myself the need to apologize a few hours later. But... after a few hours, I cool off... and I relike... and no one's the worse for wear.
But, this was different. I wasn't upset with anyone, really. I was fed up with a lot of things, sure. But it really wasn't done in a fit of temper. This wasn't one person irritating me... it was completely unilateral. I calmly and methodically cut everyone out. And when my frustration was less at the end of the night... when I normally would have quickly added everyone back before going to bed... I chose not to.
And so far... I've still chosen not to.
I guess there are a lot of things. Some things that just feel strange to me... some things are missing that I wish weren't. The hyperdrive of solo careers and tours and merchandising and and number-crunching and constant pumping has left me feeling both starved and suffocated at the same time during this off-season, and I've gotten so that I just don't want to hear about it anymore. And heaped on top, there are things that are just too personal to talk about here.
I'm not sure what it all means, this "unliking" that I've done. It's a strange world we live in that "unliking" something is even a thing that could mean something. Does it mean I'm done? I can't quite imagine walking away... but then not long ago, I couldn't imagine cutting myself off in this way either. Should I be more bothered by it?
It's different. My social media is quieter. My Tweetdeck twitters at me less. I don't know anything that's going on in Celtic Thunder Land, not a clue what's going on with people... but I'm blissfully unaware, too, of any gossip or drama that might have rubbed me wrong. It's different, but not altogether bad.
I don't know if this is permanent or temporary. I don't know yet if this is all there is, if it's a passing phase that I'll walk out of, or if it's something I won't return from.
And I guess that mostly I just don't know what it means. I've loved them for seven years... Seven years is a long time.