Friday, April 25, 2014

Trusting Myself

I don't really struggle with trusting others.  Not really. I want to believe that you are who you say you are, and I want to believe that you are one of the good guys. I want to believe it, and so it's relatively easy for me to do so.

Who I don't trust as much is myself. Because I trust easily, I have trusted people who haven't taken that trust seriously. There is a tendency for me to say that they hurt me... and while that's true, I don't want to sound like I'm just blaming them for that hurt. They wouldn't have been able to do it if I hadn't trusted them enough to give them the power... or if I hadn't cared so much about what they thought or what they did. Maybe it wasn't their actions, but my perceptions and my beliefs that made the hurt especially painful.

But because I've made mistakes with my trust before, I have a hard time trusting myself that I'm making the right decisions in who to trust now. I second-guess myself a lot. I worry that my trust is misplaced.  Not necessarily because I've been given a reason not to trust you... there's just a voice in my head that plays over and over. A voice that says, "What if you're wrong? What if this one doesn't take your trust seriously either? Where will that leave your little broken heart then?"

I try to ask those closest to me for advice in those times that I'm just not sure... people who love me and who I do believe have my interests at heart. But, at the end of the day, it's me who has to decide.

It's me who I have to trust.

1 comment:

  1. Just go wno with your insticts, you cannot be wrong. In this world there is no wrong, Question everything.


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