Tuesday, March 18, 2014

A Grief Observed

It’s hard to know what to do when someone we love leaves us so unexpectedly. So early…. Certainly before we’re ready to let them go. It’s like a them-sized hole has been ripped into our hearts with no warning, no chance to prepare. Like someone walked by you and kicked you in the stomach for no reason at all and there’s just no catching your breath.

You couldn’t conceive of the idea that they wouldn’t be a part of your life any time soon… and you just… it just wasn’t something you entertained. Why would you?

And yet you’re here anyway with a heart ripped open, a hole you can’t fill, and a tremendous sense of loss that you can’t hope to fix. People tell you that they’re sorry, offer their condolences and their offers of help… which you appreciate. You do. But what could you ask them? What could they possibly do? This isn’t a scrape fixed with Band-aids or Mom’s kisses. There is no balm for this.

It hurts. It just hurts. And the memories come, tumbling over one another in your head, sometimes so fast you can’t seize on any single one. Until one finally comes into enough focus that it plays like a movie in your head, and you laugh at the memory because it was a good day. And because it was a good friendship. And because you shared so much… and yes, the tears mix with the laughter until you’re not really sure whether you’re laughing or crying.

But, you know that you were lucky and you were blessed to have had a friendship to mourn this much. And as much as it hurts… and oh it does… but these memories, you get to keep. This friendship you get to treasure.

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