Friday, January 17, 2014

Little Cracks

A broken heart is what changes people. That's what I decided.

I used to think that you'd just grow up and change. Or that you'd decide to change and you'd be done. But now that I've had awhile to think about it, I don't think it works that way.  I don't think it works that way at all.

And it's not even necessarily the big broken hearts that does it... the big break-up, the giant dramas.  But it's the little breaks, cracks that get made in your heart over and over where your heart just sort of drains out of you over time. You wake up one day and you realize that everything's different. That you're different.

Like the flow from your heart changed you... the way a river changes a landscape over time. And maybe you're not sure whether to be sad or happy about that. Maybe, in the long run, those changes are good. Maybe they leave you less naive, maybe they leave you stronger.  And maybe, they're not so good. Maybe they took your trust away... your ability to trust in others, or worse, your ability to trust in yourself.

Maybe we have to break.  In order to change, in order to become... those cracks have to happen.

Maybe there's beauty in them.

1 comment:

  1. Thoughtful post. Not easy to think one way or the other: are these cracks beautiful or horrible? Necessary or a tragedy? Perhaps they're both, perhaps neither. One thing I do know: without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. For better or for worse, I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of what I've survived, what I've learned. Perhaps it's in the attempting to heal those cracks, to--if not restore the landscape to what it was before the river, at least to replant, make it beautiful, livable--perhaps it's that that makes us discover a new kind of kindness, a new kind of trust. Eyes open.

    Perhaps I'm just deluding myself :)

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