A friend of mine returned from vacation awhile back and we were catching up over email. After telling me about her trip, she asked how my summer had been. I told her that I was really glad that she had taken her vacation and that it was so important to take a break from it all from time to time, and then launched into everything that had been going on over the summer in our family.
And she was right. As we talked, I realized I couldn't even really remember the last thing I had done that was just for me. We mothers can be downright martyr-ish sometimes.
So... I'm going on vacation. I wasn't going to go. The day after I asked my husband if I could, while he was thinking it over, I almost told him "Never mind, I don't need to go" several times. It was selfish, wasn't it? It would be an inconvenience of money and time. We would have to juggle the kids. It was definitely selfish. And I almost backed out of it. I almost backed out of it over and over.
But every time, I stopped myself. I stopped myself because this is what I do. I always convince myself that doing something for me is unreasonable. And if it was any other woman, I would tell her that she was wrong, and that doing something for her is actually quite important. But I can never quite find it in me to give myself the same lecture. To me, I say that I'm not being a good wife or a good mom. And if it isn't advice I'd give to someone else, it probably isn't actually good advice or expectation to give to myself either.
So, against all habit and reasonableness, I'm going to Jamaica. On Friday. And I hope that I have a really good time.