Thursday, August 15, 2013

What You Don't Want to Do: Kindness When You Want to Lash Out



I'm good with words. But I'm not good with patience.  When you add the two together, they can sometimes result in a caustic wit. Sometimes that wit is funny, sometimes it misses its mark. But, always, it comes at someone else's expense.

I used to just think that this was the way I was, and I couldn't help it. But, that wasn't really true. I could. But I enjoyed the emotional release of not having to hang on to my patience. And truthfully? I enjoyed the laugh. So I chose not to control it.

Over the past few years, I've tried to walk away from that. I'm not perfect and I still mess up.  But, I've tried to err more on the side of kindness than on the side of impatience. I've swallowed my retorts. I've kept a lid on my need to engage when people say things that sting or rub me wrong. And I'm happy with this. I'm happy with who I'm becoming.

Sometimes I feel like other people aren't as pleased with it. Like they counted on me to fill a certain role and they didn't like me as much when I stopped filling it. But, the role they wanted me to fill wasn't someone I wanted to be anymore.  Don't mistake... I could still be that person -- easily. But that person isn't someone I can look in the eye every morning and think that I'm glad to be them.

It gets easier with time, but it's still hard sometimes. Just the other day, someone made some comments about a lifestyle choice that we have chosen... and they were derogatory, condescending, and cruel.  The old me would have slapped back, and part of me wanted to. But, you know what?  Slapping back wouldn't have changed anything. There would have been a war of words, more hurt feelings on both sides, wounds to lick, and we both would have walked away thinking exactly the same as we had before the conversation started. So, instead, I decided it really wasn't worth getting upset over and walked away.  But, part of me really wanted to slap back.

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Monday .......................... What You Don't Want To Do
Tuesday ......................... Forgiveness When You're Still Hurting
Thursday ................... Kindness When You Want to Lash Out
Friday ........................ Apologizing When You Don't Feel Wrong
Monday (again) ......... Commitment When You Want to Quit

1 comment:

  1. Oh you are a good girl! There are still some people I have a HARD time walking away from when they lash out. I try to remember what you said, because it is truth. But sometimes my emotions want to change the story ending. I know, it wont really change anything.

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