-- That I won't see things I should
-- That the writing will stay hard
-- That junior high will eat my children
-- That I will lose my focus
-- That the relationships aren't real
-- That I'm not enough
Here's the thing about having things you're afraid of. It's okay to be afraid of them. It's okay to have things you're worried about. It's okay to have things you're unsure of. It's okay for your faith in yourself to be shaken.
I always used to hear the phrase, "Fear is not of God," and it was a phrase intended to give hope and strength in the face of the fears that gripped our hearts. It was intended to help you set the fears aside, and that was a good thing. But, sometimes it was also a phrase that communicated an idea that if you were afraid of something, you were somehow out of God's good favor... And I don't think that's true, either.
It is okay to have worries. It is okay to have fears. I think this is a part of life. Courage isn't about not being afraid of anything. But courage is about pushing through and doing what must be done, despite the things you are afraid of. It means being bigger than the fears. It means not letting the fears debilitate you.
And they can be debilitating.
I am always reminded of the scene in Return of the King where Aragorn gives his battle speech... "But it is not this day!" When the fears crowd in and I want to curl up in a little ball and hope that they just don't notice me, this is what I say.
"There may come a time that you best me. But it is not this day."