Wednesday, April 17, 2013

O is for Ownership

"I am like this because of the way I was raised."
"My mother wasn't very loving, so I can't love others."
"So-and-So raked my heart over the coals so I can't *doblank*"

Oh, I protest. Please, can we put the victim mentality to rest?

Ownership of our own problems and issues is something I've written about on and off for a long time. It bothers me when people are continually blaming their shortcomings on other people, on things that were "done to them." It is a refusal to open our eyes wide enough to see that sometimes our hardest situations are a matter of consequences to our own choices far more than they are a matter of other people persecuting us.

But, as my fingers hovered over the keyboard this morning, it occurred to me that the problem with refusing to own your own issues isn't just with misunderstanding how you got into them. But, when we continually blame other people for our problems, we also absolve ourselves of the ability and responsibility to seek healing from them. Not only do we refuse to believe that we had any part in getting into them, but we also can't see that we have a role in getting out of them.

And so we sit in shallow waters, flailing and drowning, unwilling to accept that if we just stood up, we could see the shore.


  1. In my experience, people are far more willing to assume ownership for getting into a bad situation than for getting out. Changing your life is hard. People will stay in a difficult place because it is too scary to move on.

  2. This is so true. Excellent post, as usual.

    Jaime at Awakenings and Reflections

  3. Love this truth, Jo. I am responsible for me. Not you. You are responsible for you, not me. Oh so simple to type. Not so simple to live out sometimes!!!

  4. I rarely hear anyone mention the term "ownership" in this context, and I love it when I do. Ownership is the key to self-empowerment. I've just skimmed your posts so far but really appreciate the depth as well as the good writing.


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