Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I is for Insecurity


I have seasons where I like me. I have seasons where I don’t. I go through phases that sometimes last over a year where I am completely confident in who I am. But, then, I also have seasons when the opposite is true and I am constantly unsure, painfully aware of all the things about me that I’d like to change if I could.

girl sitting on sidewalkBut, whatever season I’m in, whoever I am… I’m worried that you won’t like me. I’m worried that I am going to fall short, yes even when I’m confident, of who you expect me to be. Of who you want me to be. Of who you need me to be.

I know, in my head, that this is silly. Silly and unhealthy. A need to be 100% liked by everyone I know is a need that will never be fulfilled. No one is going to be liked by everyone. So, it’s completely illogical to set that up as the standard. And yet, I do.

And, of course, I don’t measure up.. for who can? So I begin to change myself to fit who I think you want me to be.  Maybe not in big ways… but definite changes. A little tweak here, a little tweak there. A compromising of my own integrity so that I will pass muster and become okay in your eyes.

Until one day, I wake up. I look at myself in the mirror and I realize that the “me” I have squeezed myself into in order to fit some ideal isn’t me at all. She doesn’t fit. She’s uncomfortable and stiff in all the wrong places. And she isn’t me.  So I begin to peel her off.

One piece at a time.

12 comments:

  1. Ah, insecurity sucks, personally speaking.

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    1. I hear you. And it's silly, cause we're really awesome! :)

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  2. Can definitely relate, looking at who you have tried to conform yourself to be you realise it doesn't fit who you are. I think that we definitely do go through seasons and need to recognise there are many sides to us, but like the seasons of the year we have a time of renewal, rest, growth and harvest....blessings,

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  3. It really is so hard to be anyone other than yourself, isn't it?

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    1. Yes, it is!! Probably because we were never really meant to be anyone else, so of course it's hard and uncomfortable.

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  4. How lovely and painful at the same time. I really related to this. Just stopping by for the A-Z Challenge. Please check us out and sign up to follow if you like what you see. Juliet atCity Muse Country Muse

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  5. Aw, Jo! I can so relate. I have been working through Beth Moore's book "So Long Insecurity" for the past couple of months, so insecurity has been on my mind- a lot! I met with my friend today to discuss this past weeks study and one of the things that struck a chord with me was this quote- "We can be hurt without also being insecure. We can be disappointed without also being insecure. We can be shocked without also being insecure. We can be unsure without also being insecure. We can even be humbled without also being insecure. WE SET BOUNDARIES ON INSECURITY." I love this concept- how it is okay (and necessary!) that we experience the emotions, but we get to choose whether that defines us or not. I'm choosing NOT! :)

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    1. That sounds really interesting... I like Beth Moore, but I haven't read that one. Adding it to the list!

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  6. We all have insecurities we must deal with and like it or not, its' part of the human nature. If we could all do as your post suggests and just peel off the layers we don't like, maybe insecurities wouldn't be so hard to deal with:)

    Hi from the A to Z Challenge! I'm a new follower")

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    1. Thanks for visiting! Yes... you're probably right that it's part of human nature. But that doesn't mean I have to like it! ;)

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