Friday, February 22, 2013
Finding the Boundaries
I hear all the time about the importance of setting boundaries in relationships. I know this to be good and wise advice, especially for me. I have the terrible tendency of letting people whip me around to do and be what they want. It's easy to blame other people for that, but it's maybe more on me than it is on them. After all, I'm the one allowing it, right?
I've been thinking over the last several months about the importance of those boundaries... how you decide what they are, how you balance them with others' boundaries, and how you even go about communicating them. It's not like a sports game where you sit down before you become friends with someone and go over the ground rules. "This is your dance space, this is my dance space." This is the foul line, this is the penalty, this is the goal of the game. We don't do that, and it's weird to even think about it.
I don't really know the answers to these questions, but I know that finding and understanding them is an important component to developing healthy friendships. I know that it involves a healthy dose of self-respect and understanding what is okay for someone to expect from me and what is not. I know it involves learning the difference between someone needing me and someone using me. And I know it involves me being strong enough to occasionally stand up and say, "Nope, too far... this isn't okay."
So, I guess that's where I am. Not having everything down... but searching.