Friday, February 22, 2013

Finding the Boundaries


I hear all the time about the importance of setting boundaries in relationships. I know this to be good and wise advice, especially for me. I have the terrible tendency of letting people whip me around to do and be what they want. It's easy to blame other people for that, but it's maybe more on me than it is on them.  After all, I'm the one allowing it, right?

I've been thinking over the last several months about the importance of those boundaries... how you decide what they are, how you balance them with others' boundaries, and how you even go about communicating them. It's not like a sports game where you sit down before you become friends with someone and go over the ground rules.  "This is your dance space, this is my dance space."  This is the foul line, this is the penalty, this is the goal of the game. We don't do that, and it's weird to even think about it.

I don't really know the answers to these questions, but I know that finding and understanding them is an important component to developing healthy friendships. I know that it involves a healthy dose of self-respect and understanding what is okay for someone to expect from me and what is not. I know it involves learning the difference between someone needing me and someone using me. And I know it involves me being strong enough to occasionally stand up and say, "Nope, too far... this isn't okay."

So, I guess that's where I am.  Not having everything down... but searching.

4 comments:

  1. Oh man I struggle with too, I think I give too much space then I pull back when I think they are walking all over me. My hubby tells me I am too nice. He loves that and hates that about me. I used to think he was crazy but then I thought about it. I let others walk all over me and I never stop it, Now I am better. Oh man did any of that make sense??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol It made sense to me... although that probably doesn't say good things about either one of us!! I always struggle with MASSIVE feelings of guilt. Massive.

      Delete
  2. I've always had issues with this too! Recently for me it's been good to wake up in the morning really liking who I am and what I'm doing. And being okay with just being myself and being by myself. I still spend a lot of time with my friends but it's good to be good with who you are whether with people or not. Not sure this makes sense! I still look for "tools" to help me with this, right now I am reading "Practical Reiki" by Alice Langholt, and talking to a friend who has been doing Reiki for years. Its not a religion, it's more of a meditation, and it has helped her through some rough times recently. You can find Alice on Twitter at @AliceLangholt ( I think that's her twitter tag)

    Kim Piper

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can see how that would be a big help... I always think that my struggles with boundaries are probably tied closely with an unhealthy need for everyone in the world to like me and to stretch and pull myself into whatever form I think they'll like best. Even if that means being something other than what I am or what I want to be.

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...