Friday, January 4, 2013

How Do You Build Trust?

The simple answer?

Slowly.

We live in a world of microwaves, email, instant messaging and Skype. We have become used to having things instantaneously. It has become the way of the world, and so we want things now. In fact, we want things to be there before we even know that we want them.

But, trust will never work that way.

In a perfect world, we would all be willing to trust each other from the get-go. We would be able to do that because, in a perfect world, no one would ever betray that trust and we would never have a reason to be careful. But, we don't live in a perfect world.  We live in this one.

In this one, we have learned to be careful about who we trust. Trusting opens you up to hurt. Sometimes little pinpricks of hurt, but somethings stabbings of unbearable pain. And so we have all learned to be careful. We have learned to build up our walls and raise our drawbridges. We have cloaked our hearts in impenetrable suits of armor.

And yet, we are not people who were meant to be alone. We have been created for relationship, and our hearts yearn after that. But how can we find those relationships when we are bundled so tightly inside of our fears and mistrust?

We try, but we are also afraid.  And so it's baby steps that we resort to. This isn't bad. Little by little is better than none at all. Maybe it would be simpler to just throw off the armor and choose to trust wholeheartedly. I'm sure it would be. But we've all been hurt too much to be willing to risk it.

So whether you are asking me how you can trust again... or how you can get someone to trust in you... the answer is the same. Baby steps, patience, and love. Be willing to wait for their courage. Be willing to exhibit yours.

Life is safe inside a coat of armor.  But, it's also cold and lonely and a terrible place to stay.

3 comments:

  1. so true it can be lonely, it can be safe but no fun!! On my Ipad your blog design is different?? On the computer it is the same, crazy!!!

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  2. Joanne, you're quite right that so much of current society is about instant gratification - not just trust but pretty much any aspect of life. So I was thrilled to get a book reviewer comment "stories are told in a different way - slowly, carefully, step by step rather like the long journeys of Damariel... There is space and time to reflect... for those who can leave their twitters and instant lives to one side, and be patient..."

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