Zeal-- eagerness and interest in pursuit of something
I look around me now with a great big smile on my face. Where I am now is definitely brighter.
I got what I wanted. I wrote myself to somewhere brighter. So much healing has gone in the past year, and I feel lighter and brighter and happier. I believe in myself so much more than I did before. I spend so much less time blaming myself for things and more time believing in my own worth. I am enjoying the friends I've always had, and happily making new connections and friendships every day.
Too, I feel like I have a purpose in mind. For so many years, "just surviving" was my purpose. I was very young when I became a parent, and the children pretty much all came at the same time. At 22 years old, I was a young newlywed. At 23, I had premature twins. At 25 and 4 days, I had my third child. Three kids under the age of 2, and I was barely out of my childhood myself. I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't hardly see what God was thinking when He gave me all those kids, I was so sure I couldn't do it and that I was going to majorly screw them up. So often, it was all I could do just to get to the next day. I couldn't let myself even THINK past that next day, much less plan and dream about what might come after it.
So to sit here today with a purpose in my heart seems almost novel! I have plans. I have things I want to work toward. I have things I want to accomplish that are more than "get to tomorrow without killing anyone." To me, they're exciting. I wake up in the morning and, instead of dreading getting out of the bed, I think about what thing I can build into my day that will bring me one step closer to what I want.
Write to someplace brighter... it worked. It worked better than I could have hoped. It wasn't pretty along the way... but oh, it worked.