Monday, August 27, 2012

When I Get Mad

Sometimes I get mad at people.  Like "happily punch them in the face" sort of mad.  Okay, at least "kick them in the shins" mad.

I used to think that it wasn't okay to be mad. I used to think that anger flew directly in the face of the kindness that I wanted to exude, and I didn't know how the two emotions of anger and love could co-exist. I've since changed my tune.  I understand now that you can love someone and be angry with them at the same time.

Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing. It has its place and we're not bad to be in that place for a time.  But I think it's important that it's only a time that we're there. Anger can become all-encompassing if we don't give it some boundaries.

Long ago, my mom told me that anger was a secondary emotion, that it was often caused by another... sometimes hurt, sometimes jealousy, sometimes envy.  But, I think that most often, it's hurt.  We get hurt and we respond with anger because it's so much easier to respond with anger than to honestly deal with the hurt. It's a safety blanket, a shield, our own impenetrable tower.

"You hurt me, and now I'm going to do my best to hurt you back."

Understanding this has always been really helpful to me (when I let it be).  Eventually, I have to let go of the anger and really look at why I'm angry.  And most times, it's quite simply that I've been hurt. Finding the reason makes it a little easier to deal with.  Once I've dealt with the why's and wherefore's of the hurt, I can more easily let go of the anger and move on.

Is there anger you're holding onto?  Why is it there?  And can you let it go...?


  1. I think most of the anger I experience is through hurt too. I'm way too sensitive about things and it's easy to feel devastated ... gotta work on that thick skin everyone says we writers need :)

  2. I read the "anger is secondary" in some book when the boys were younger and have tried to drill it into all our brains. It's hard though, for anger DOES take over, especially when there is no apparent way to heal a hurt. If that makes sense?


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