When swimming, they say that it's easier to get used to the water if you just jump in and get it over with. I know that to be true, having done it before. Even so, even with the knowledge that it would be easier, I've never been a "just get it over with" kind of girl. I was always (and still am) much more likely to stand on the first step until my feet are used water. And then the next step until my calves are acclimated... and then another for the rest of my legs. And that crucial step where you get far enough into the water that it actually touches your swimsuit, and there's just something about THAT step that feels excruciating.
I'm the same way with letting go... whether that's over the death of a loved one, the destruction of a relationship, or simply the cutting of apron-strings with my children. I struggle with letting go. In my head, I know it might be easier if I just ripped the band-aid off and went cold turkey. But, there's something about that which makes someone inside of me protest, "No!!! Anything but that!"
So, I don't.
Letting go is slower this way. In the long run, when you add up all the little bits, it probably hurts more. But, it's manageable, piece by piece.
It's okay to go at your own pace. Just be sure you're still pacing, and not sitting still, paralyzed by fear of letting that one piece go. That one piece can be so hard to release, knowing that it's the only thing that still ties you. Knowing that, if you let it go, that's it. There's no going back. But it is releasable. Sometimes not going back is exactly where you need to go and saying goodbye is exactly what you need to say.
But, it's hard. I know. There are comforts in not letting go. There is always the excuse you give yourself-- "What if holding onto it one more minute would save it?" I don't have any magic words for you. I wish that I did. The truth is that, every once in a very rare while, holding on does save it. I can't lie to you and say that it doesn't. It's that "once in a very rare while" that keeps us all hanging on, far longer than we should. That slim chance.
Sure, we know it's rare and unlikely. But it's hope and it's a chance, however slim, and our hearts cling to that. I can't sit here and tell you you're wrong to hope. I hope, too.
But, we all know the chances. We all know that letting go is probably the wisest and healthiest choice. So, keep on.. one step at a time, if that's all you can manage.
We'll let go together.