Monday, August 13, 2012

Are you unbalanced?

"Maybe this is for the best. It just seems like you don't get very much of that friendship, and maybe it would be okay to let it go," she said to me.

I was confiding in a good friend about another friend who was upset with me, in what seemed like a long string of said-friend being upset over odd things.  It was beginning to wear me out. But, my confidante's advice made me stop and think for a good long while. Is it okay to let relationships go if they aren't balanced?

There is a part of me that wants to answer that question with "No." After all, it seems very selfish to base our friendships on what we get out of them, doesn't it?  It makes it easy to leave relationships without giving them a fighting chance, too. "You're not giving me what I want today, so see you later!" There are a few people who are in my life simply because they need someone in theirs, and I can't see myself turning my back on that.

But, when you have a friendship where you're the only one giving, that can't be healthy, either.  You have to come to the understanding that friendship is a 2-way street. When you come to realize that you are the only one putting effort into your relationship, that has to say something about the commitment that the other person has to you, or rather the lack thereof.

Sometimes you have to take the same advice you would give to someone else. If the situation was reversed, I'm sure I would be the one saying, "This isn't a 2-way street kind of relationship, honey.  Have the self-respect to walk away from that."

Sometimes, to my great chagrin, I find it very difficult to follow my own counsel, or that of those who care about me.

Maybe it is okay to turn off the 1-way street and find a different route.


  1. Ah sweetie. This has been something you have dealt with a lot, isn't it? ((hugs)) You know, you could always ASK for what you need. I can promise you you wont always get it, but at least you will know where you stand. Have I said that before? If so ignore this time. :)

    1. LOL Ah, you know I'm always happy for the input, even if it takes me 20 tries to follow it.

  2. I almost never give up on people even if they have knocked back on my heels a few times. I always try to remember why I liked them in the first place am willing to cut them some slack because you can never be sure what is driving there behavior and some times the most aggravating people are the best teachers. As Mick Jagger said "you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you get what you need." >^,,^<

  3. I think there is an ebb and flow to friendships and that is okay. Sometimes people will just be in our lives for a season. But if it is constant work to keep a friendship, it may be time to let it go (just my opinion! :) ).


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