Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I'm Glad I... Learned to Cry


...Learned to Cry...

I used to hate to cry.

I can remember having fights with my dad as a teenager, and fighting so hard not to cry.  But, I would always fail... and then he would win the power struggle or the debate or the whatever-it-was.  My emotions would always betray me and I felt weak.

I would watch movies with my friends, and invariably I would find tears streaming down my face.  Sure, that made sense at the romantic climax, but then sometimes I'd find a particular line that struck me straight through the heart, and I'd find myself crying at that, too.  It became a "thing," you know, and something I was embarrassed about.  Why couldn't I control my tears?  I just got made fun of, and I hated them.

And then I grew up.


Years later, I still can't control my tears.  A book, a movie, a song. A TV show, a commercial. The older couple at the next table at the mall. The thought of losing someone I love, and the thought of getting them back. They all end in tears.  Not tears of sadness necessarily, just tears of emotion. I've cried at The Simpsons, for heavens sake.

I can't control them, but I've learned to embrace them.  Even as my children peer at me through the darkened movie theater at every barely-poignant moment and then whisper "Mom's crying again," I've learned to embrace the quickness to tears as a part of me.

I've accepted that I just feel deeply, that my emotions are easily triggered.  I will never be a great debater, my heart falls into it all much too easily.  But I am who you want if you have a book to sell, a movie to produce, or music to hawk.

I don't mind crying now.  Granted, it means I go through a lot of mascara and a lot of kleenex. But it is a small price to pay for knowing my heart is still alive and kicking.

11 comments:

  1. I cry easily, too. I got it from my dad. He wore his emotions on his sleeve. I used to hate it, now I just let it happen. My theory is that the release is good for my health and soul.

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    1. I'll go with that. "Shut up, it's good for my health!" lol

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  2. I'm not sure where I got it from, or why it happens...lol, I cry when I see bands in a parade! Something that Diana needs to do I suppose, and I'll agree it must be good for my soul :)

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    1. I cry when I hear BAD bands in a parade.

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  3. I've always been one to let some tears flow when something moves me. Always got teased for it, too. But I honestly didn't care.

    I remember once watching an Olympic medal ceremony on tv with some friends. When the Star-Spangled Banner played, the tears came. They never let me live it down.

    It's just who I am. It's who you are. Those are things that we should never apologize for or hide! :)

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    1. Aw, it's been YEARS since I've been able to make it through the National Anthem without choking up. **hugs** Hang out with me, I won't make fun!!

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  4. I cry too. My mom collects dolls (yes, this is going somewhere). When her first grandchild was born, she found a doll that just "looked" like Ashley. It was rather uncanny, and she wasn't trying to find such a thing. She thought it was a once in a life time event, to have a doll that looks like her grandchild. Then the twin boys came... five years later, guess what dolls the ACME doll company introduced? Yep.. twin boys. And then my Sarah, and sure enough, in a year or so the company put out a doll that was the spitting image of my baby.

    Years (and dolls) down the road, I walk in the house and guess what I see. A brown-haired, brown-eyed little girl doll, with a quivering lower lip and one tear rolling down the check, holding a Teddy Bear in on hand, and the head in another. "That's me." I said. Yep... I cry. I always have, I always will, and I am very well known for it.

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    1. Awww, that's such a sweet story!

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  5. I think crying is really refreshing. I cry every time I see a stray animal and have been known to cry just driving by a pet shelter. I hold back tears and push my sadness away whenever I see a homeless person walking down the side of the road. I can't always help everyone but I can feel for them and pray that God is with them.

    Crying is so cathartic. One of my professors used to tell us to cry with authority. It is a way of being authentic and strong. I love this. Geez, I even cry during certain episodes of the Golden Girls (especially the one when Dorothy moves out). Great post.

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    1. Aww, having a heart for animals is wonderful... My middle daughter is very much the same way. Nothing breaks her heart faster or harder.

      Looks like we have a nice group of criers here. :) My peeps!

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  6. There is NOTHING in this world that I don't cry about! the news, movies, books, magazines, adds for animals to adopt, anything that doesn't seem fair, I cry when I'm sad, glad, mad, hurt, just anytime over anything...geez, I could have my own waterworks company by now LOL...

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