9. I know what unconditional love feels like.
Maybe you guys can help me with this one.
From a parental and a spousal point of view, I can say with conviction that I absolutely know what this feels like, both to give and receive. From my parents, as their child. From my husband, as his wife. TO my husband, as his wife. And to my children, as their mother.
But, outside the bounds of those relationships, it gets murkier for me, and I find myself continuously bouncing from one extreme to the other. I often feel convicted about loving imperfect people with forgiveness and understanding because I am far from perfect myself, how could I expect others to be? And this makes me want to extend the understanding, offer forgiveness for things that need it, and start again. It makes me want to climb on top of my own hurts, one aching reach at a time, shove it all under the rug, and try to show a heart full of grace.
On the opposite of that, I read things like this:
"Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth."Or this and this:
I see the value in these, too... the idea of having enough respect for yourself to not waste it on people who don't respect you, too. And I pretty much ping-pong back and forth.
Do you have any thoughts? Wisdom must lie somewhere in the middle, but I seem to skip over it somehow.
well as a Christian, i am commanded to forgive--but the bible also tells me to at certain times, to shake the dust off my feet and move on--i hope i have not misunderstood this part haha--but i think once you have tried and tried, especially with someone who is not a family member, and things just are not working out--you need to forgive them--don't think about it anymore and let go---sometimes people are only there in our lives for a season --very interesting topic!
ReplyDeleteI think that sometimes we, and definitely I do this, confuse forgiveness with forgetting? It's good to be able to say "I forgive you... I will not hold what you did over you in anger." But it's not necessarily good to always say "And I will forget that you ever did, and let you walk over me a 2nd, 3rd time." We should be wise in how we walk out that forgiveness.
DeleteI think too often we put everyone on a plain level playing field. EVeryone we know, husband, child, friend, stranger, enemy, are equal. This is when it's hardest. It's hardest to choose what is best, and it's hardest to loev fully. When we realize that some people will be closer to us and know us more than others, then it makes it a little easier. I will hold a door open for a stranger, help them if I can, and smile and say hi. For my spouse the relationship is deeper. IT's not that I love the stranger less, but it's that I know my spouse more.
ReplyDeleteForgivness is IMPORTANT and good. And we can forgive someone and love them but that DOES NOT mean a relationship is being built. That takes TRUST, and confusing love and trust is a dangerous thing. But it's only dangerous to US.
Keep those who are distant, distant. Love them from afar. Keep those who are close, close. Love them with everything you are.
Forgive the typo's. I didn't edit.
ReplyDeleteObviously.
The older I get, the more I tend to agree with the later quotes. I don't have time to waste on people who don't make me happy (or vice versa). For everyone else, I understand not wanting to abandon them completely, so let me suggest this instead: conditional love. Only give it when they deserve it.
ReplyDelete