A series of thoughts in response to 12 Things You Should Be Able to Say About Yourself
2. I am proud of myself.
"Being proud isn’t bragging about how great you are; it’s more like quietly knowing that you’re worth a lot."
It would not surprise me a bit to hear that there are people who think I'm full of myself. I am deliberate about being vocal about the areas in which I think I'm okay. Fewer people know how I got there and that I only believe a quarter of it. Looking back, there were two major points in my life where I was involved in some pretty unhealthy friendship sets. During those times, I could only see what was bad about me. I became hyper-aware of my faults, and even saw things that were wrong with me that weren't wrong at all... but I began to view them that way. It got to a point where I couldn't see any of the good things that were in me, only what I needed to change to be okay. I was constantly focused on where I sucked, and never ever on where I excelled.
Eventually, I got out of those relationships and into friendships that were healthier. Friendships where we focused on what was good about each other, friendships where support for each other was the status quo, not the occasional exception. It was during these times that I was able to slowly step away from seeing everything that needed to change, and began to see the things that were good, the things that were my strengths. We also encouraged each other to build character away from the areas in which we were weak, for sure we all have those. But we could do that because we also built each other up.
It always surprises me, when I admit to someone how self-conscious I am, how afraid of being judged I am, and they express amazement that I'm like that on the inside. "You always seem so assured!" And I think, "Are you serious??" I don't feel that way on the inside at all, and I wonder if they know they're talking to me.
All that to say... it's hard for me sometimes to find things about myself that I'm proud of. The real things. Harder still to tell you what those are because I don't know if you'll laugh at me for being proud of them. I don't know if you'll understand why they are things to be proud of, and how hard I've worked for them.
And so with trepidation...
5 Things I'm Currently Proud Of
- Not being a doormat. I have been one. I have been one to absurd levels. But I have also taken steps in the last year to KNOCK IT OFF. I probably can't say that I've totally put this tendency behind me... but I've made some significant (to me) steps forward.
- Being more assertive. I have hidden behind a lot of fear in some of my relationships in the past, afraid that full honesty would equal relationship ruin. Of late, I've tried to push past the fear more, to say the things I need to say, even if it ends up badly. And you know what? That's been a good thing, and so far, hasn't ended up in the ways I'd feared.
- Knowing what I want and going for it. For a long time, I've sort of floated in this void of not knowing what I wanted to do, somewhere in between raising my kids and "maybe lightning will strike and the way will be clear." Lightning didn't strike. I had to go out and figure out what it was that made my heart go "Yes, that!" I'm no longer floating. Not floating is good. Purpose is good. Plans are good. Dreams are good. A direction is good.
- Putting my family back where they belong. At some point, they'd gotten shoved down the list of priorities for awhile. There was a point this year that I shook everything out of my life, and then put back what was important. I put back a lot less than was there to begin with. But I found the things that were important, and I reordered those things and how I spend my time and my money and my energy. Family's back up top. My husband is back up top. My children are back up top. This is as it should be.
- Hitting blogging goals. This is far less vague. :) I hit a lot of blogging goals. I am super proud of this. Does this make me Super Blogging Guru? Dear lord no, there are soooo many people out there who are far more successful than I am, and I have so far to go. But I have improved in every area that I have wanted to improve in, and that makes me very proud of myself and excited to keep that going.
What are you proud of?
Original Thought Credit: Marc and Angel Hack Life's 12 Things You Should Be Able to Say About Yourself