Zeal-- eagerness and interest in pursuit of something
I look around me now with a great big smile on my face. Where I am now is definitely brighter.
I got what I wanted. I wrote myself to somewhere brighter. So much healing has gone in the past year, and I feel lighter and brighter and happier. I believe in myself so much more than I did before. I spend so much less time blaming myself for things and more time believing in my own worth. I am enjoying the friends I've always had, and happily making new connections and friendships every day.
Too, I feel like I have a purpose in mind. For so many years, "just surviving" was my purpose. I was very young when I became a parent, and the children pretty much all came at the same time. At 22 years old, I was a young newlywed. At 23, I had premature twins. At 25 and 4 days, I had my third child. Three kids under the age of 2, and I was barely out of my childhood myself. I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't hardly see what God was thinking when He gave me all those kids, I was so sure I couldn't do it and that I was going to majorly screw them up. So often, it was all I could do just to get to the next day. I couldn't let myself even THINK past that next day, much less plan and dream about what might come after it.So to sit here today with a purpose in my heart seems almost novel! I have plans. I have things I want to work toward. I have things I want to accomplish that are more than "get to tomorrow without killing anyone." To me, they're exciting. I wake up in the morning and, instead of dreading getting out of the bed, I think about what thing I can build into my day that will bring me one step closer to what I want.
Write to someplace brighter... it worked. It worked better than I could have hoped. It wasn't pretty along the way... but oh, it worked.
We made it! I wanted to catch some Z's tonight but first I want to try to visit all my favorite blogs from the challenge.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
OK, I'm trying to look forward to some rest now, but yours is the THIRD inspirational post in a row I've read. Is there no rest for the weary???
haha! No resting! Get out there! *cracks whip*
DeleteI kid, I kid. Yes, rest!
What a great post! I can imagine that those early years with premature twins and a very-close-in-age third child were tough! Like having triplets, I'm sure!
ReplyDeleteI started having kids when I was 24 and now that I look back, I feel like I was so young and clueless, too. That's awesome that you're in a brighter place where you can have goals and dreams to call your own. God brings us through those challenges for a reason-- even to make us more thankful for "regular" life. :)
And congrats on finishing the A-Z challenge! Whoo hoo!!
Lovely post. Dad likes to say "The future is open, say yes."
ReplyDeleteI love you and what you write, but I just can't seem to get my head around how to put things into play in my life???
ReplyDeleteYou know there's that triangle that represents the human hierarchy of needs: http://www.omafra.gov.on.ca/english/rural/facts/96-001f1.gif
DeleteAnd the theory is that you can't do much with a level of the triangle until you've satisfied the level underneath it. Sometimes I think that we (and I include myself here) try to do too much, try to fix too many things at once. When sometimes all we can do is fix one thing at a time.
I love you...