Thursday, March 8, 2012

When The Book Is Closed But The Story Isn't Over

You've finished the chapter.  You've closed the book.  You've put it away, and you've moved on. You're smiling and laughing again. The sun is shining again. You've found your joy again.

That's when it happens. A memory resurfaces.

Maybe it's a song that reminds you. Sometimes it's a flash of memory. A place you went to, a smell that conjures it all back up. It's the knife that twists and reminds you that under your smile, there is a wound that is not yet fully healed.

Do you ever feel like if you could just bottle that up, if you could close up the memories and be guaranteed that you'd never think of them again...  that it would make it so much easier to forget the pain and embrace the future?

There was an episode of Once Upon a Time a few weeks back.  Snow White had just guaranteed herself a whole lot of emotional pain, and she was walking along with Grumpy, a potion in her pocket that would allow her to forget EVERYTHING, and asked him if he ever wished he could forget all the pain.

His answer to her was, "Never.  I need my pain.  It's what makes me Grumpy." I cried when I watched that.
girl looking down

This isn't what I meant to say to you today.  I meant to say that we could keep the good memories in our hearts, throw out the bad ones, and be happy for the good times we had.  "Don't cry that it's over, smile that it happened" or something like that.

But, instead, I'm here saying that it's okay to have the bad memories too.  And it's okay that they crop up and stab you in the heart.  Even though it hurts and even though it makes you feel like this is never going to be done with, that pain is a part of what makes you who you are.


2 comments:

  1. I love the Grumpy quote. Very nice post, made me see things in a different light.

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  2. I keep reading your posts - you and I must be on a very similar journey.

    I have been a stuffer, blocker. There are things that I blocked because they were too painful. I then avoided anything that reminded me of those memories. Then I forgot why I no longer loved to paint or ride my bike they were just things I no longer did.

    I stated wondering a couple years ago why I had no dreams and I realized that they were locked up in the broken past. For the past several years I have been working my way through layer by layer of the broken past. Working to forgive and repent and put things away clean. I realized in suppressing the pain that the good memories from those times also became blocked.

    Anyway I have had to grieve a lot of things. That has been quite a journey. I am finding that more and more I am finding new dreams. I still have scars but they are no longer festering wounds when they are triggered and come up they are clean. Now they are just memories of a time gone by and of Gods mercy to heal me.

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