Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Smartest Woman Alive

My mom is, quite simply, the smartest woman alive.

"Oh! What happened to your smoke alarm?" I asked my mom the other day.  It was gone.

She has a living room with very high vaulted ceilings, and for some reason, there is a smoke alarm WAAAAAAY up at the top.  This seems like a great place to detect smoke, I admit. But, for heavens sake, how is anyone supposed to change the battery?

Actually, this smoke alarm gave me great fits several years ago.  I was home visiting with my then-very-young children.  It was evening and they were asleep in the guest bedroom.  This part is important.  THEY WERE ASLEEP.  And when you have three small children, you very much appreciate this time of the day.  After they were sleeping, I was cooking some steak for our adult-dinner.  I don't really remember what happened.  Did I forget I was cooking?  I don't know.  But, for some reason, there were significant quantities of smoke coming from the oven, which caused the smoke alarm to go off.  Apparently, the smoke alarms in my mom's house are all linked together, so EVERY smoke alarm in the house started going off, including the one in my children's room.  Screaming.  Screaming. Screaming.  (Not from me.)  And I can't get the darned things to go off because I can't wave the smoke away from that one in the living room.  It was terrible.  And my kids were afraid of the bedroom for three YEARS.

In any case, the smoke alarm was now gone, which was curious.  My mom has some significant mobility and balance issues, so if SHE was the one responsible for it not being attached to the wall anymore, then we were going to have some serious talking to do.  But no...  She's far smarter than that.

"Well... it was beeping because it needed its batteries changed, but I couldn't do it.  So I called the fire department to see if they knew someone I could call, because surely they would know.  And they said to me, 'Are you unable to do it?' And I told them yes, that if I got on a ladder, I would fall OFF of a ladder and kill myself. And 10 minutes later, a FIRE TRUCK pulled up in front of the house and three of them came in with their ladder."

"Wait, wait, wait," I interrupted.  "You had three firemen in your house?"

"Yes."

"Were they good-looking?"

She looked at me as if I was an idiot.  Which, granted, it was probably a stupid question.  "They were FIREMEN.  Of course they were good-looking."

"And they just came over, like that?"

"Yes."

"Ok, go on."

"So they came in and climbed on their ladders and went about fixing all the smoke alarms in the house and gave me stern looks when I told them that ALL of the smoke alarms were out of batteries.  And the one up there," she gestured to the ceiling, "is apparently broken, so I have to go buy a new one and call them and then they'll come back and fix it."

"Alright, let me get this straight.  You just called the fire department and they sent you three good looking young men in UNIFORM.  And all you needed was broken smoke alarms?"

"Yes."

I'm taking a sledge hammer to ours when I get home.

9 comments:

  1. I'm laughing so much right now. Oh, my, I can't even imagine having a smoke detector that high! We had one on the wall near our stairs once, and I'm short, so I couldn't reach it. There was something wrong with the blasted thing, and whenever it went off randomly at 1AM, I had to drag a chair to the top of the stairs, stand on it, and reach over to get it to shut up. We got a new one. I never would have thought to call the fire department, LOL.

    I can't believe your girls were scared of the room for three years! Poor things!

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    1. LOL! My mom seemed to have a habit, when I was growing up, of using the smoke alarm as a kitchen timer. She swears that it's because the oven was old and needed to be replaced, but we all were well-trained in the art of dragging the dining room chairs into the hallway and waving a towel at the smoke alarm to get it to stop. I just thought that was EVERY family's cooking ritual. ;)

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  2. Love it! Why is it that smoke alarms at my house always start beeping (when they need a new battery) at night?!

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  3. Awesome, your mom is indeed wise. :D

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  4. Awesome. I had no idea the fire department would do that.

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    1. Neither did I! I need a cat to strand in a tree, too.

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