What I'm Listening to...

Good morning!  Today is the last day of normal schedule for me for a little bit.  Tomorrow marks the first day of spring break.  I'm going to start off by dragging my kids along to my linedancing class with me (lol hopefully that goes better than I'm envisioning!) and then next week should be fun.  A day at the beach, a trip to Vashon Island.  Joel and I are going to a Lenka concert (must get babysitter!).  It should be a good week!  I hope.

Today, I feel at peace.  That's a good feeling.  :)  And with absolutely no girly angst rolling around in my head for once, I thought I'd just sit down and share some of the music I've been listening to lately.  Some of this is new to me...  some of this is old favorites that I'd forgotten.  I've been listening to Celtic Radio a lot lately.  They had an advance copy of CT's Heritage, and I started subscribing to the channel to get an early listen to some of the tracks I hadn't heard before or just plain wanted to hear again.  But I ended up really liking the station, and have picked up a number of new favorites from listening to what they play.

This first one is from Mickey Coleman, who is an artist I dragged my feet about listening to for a long time.  Eventually, my friend Diana talked me into giving him a good listen, and I ended up liking him a lot.




This song, Horses, is one I just started liking...  it just gets in my head and I can't get it out.  I don't really mind that so much, except I don't know it too well yet, and I can only remember one or two lines... so they just play over and over!



I was listening to this one last night, and just thinking how much it makes me smile. I've always liked this song, and watching this is just fun. You should be dancing while you're listening. If you're not, then you're doing it wrong!



I absolutely love Dr Horrible. LOVE! Some song or another from the show will usually figure in my favorites, depending on what mood I'm in, and right now it's this one. The last shot of this song gets me every time... I love this song for the reminder that, in the quest to achieve your goals, you don't end up missing the reason for the goals in the first place... something like that, anyway.



From another show I like, The Guild. I love both of the music videos they did, but I decided to share just this one. I love Felicia Day!! A nerdy hot girl... what's not to like?



These next two are both songs I found by listening to Celtic Radio, and I just think they're both so pretty. Love love love them both. I listen to them a LOT.





Ok... LOL I'm sharing this just because it made me laugh at myself. I've always enjoyed this song. But apparently have never listened to the lyrics until the other day. I had no idea that what it's about is what it's about! Do you ever do that??



Lenka is the vocalist of choice around our house for the last good bit... Joel and I both like her, as does McKenzie. (I think the other two have been bitten by the Justin Bieber bug.) One of my favorites of hers...



I've probably shared this song before on my Facebook, but I like it. Alex Day is a doll!



Ok, that's probably enough for today. :) Thanks for playing, I enjoyed sharing what I'm listening to!

A bit of free advice!

That's right, folks.  We're giving words away for free today, no charge of admission!  Actually, I'm saving up for a trip...  if you could just head on over to Paypal, and send me a bit of cash to pad my wallet, that would be awesome.

You've done that, right?  Perfect.  Let's keep going...

Let's say you have someone in your life who's taken you under their wing. For whatever reason, they like you, seem to care about you, and look out for you a bit.  You're out together somewhere and a plate of cookies is passed.  Really delectable cookies.  The kind where the chocolate chips have melted just so and it looks like you could just lick the oh-so-slightly melted chocolate from its cookie'd home.

You reach for one, but your friend puts a hand on your arm, and says "No, don't take one."

You raise an eyebrow at her and say "But did you see the nuts??  There are so many!"

"I know," she says. "They look delectable, but I've had these before... trust me, you don't want one."

"Oh but I do!!  The sign says they're full of caramel-y goodness!"

"I've seen that sign, too.  But really... you don't want it.  It isn't worth what comes next."

You stomp your feet in a fit of pique.  You really want that cookie!  Sure, she's had one before, and sure she seems to know something you don't about them.  But maybe they won't affect you in the same way?  Maybe she's wrong about THIS cookie.

And so she looks on with resignation to the inevitable as you defy the wisdom handed to you on a silver platter and take the darned cookie anyway.

That's foolishness, my friends.  Take the wisdom.  Listen to those around you.  Even if what they're warning against is something you think you really really really want.  LISTEN.  You'll be glad in the long run.

Or, you know, so I've heard.  I tend to take the cookie.

Wishing Rock and Such

I finished a book yesterday... actually, it's pretty much all I did yesterday, aside from church.  It was nice to take a breather for a change, cuddle up in the big comfy chair with a blanket, and immerse myself in someone else's world for awhile.  Letters from Wishing Rock is the first novel of a friend of mine, Pam Stucky.  (I'm just assuming I'm going to get advertising revenue for this later. LOL)  Briefly, it's the story of a mid-thirties woman who has been recently jilted... she moves to this small community to start over, to heal, to find a way to move on.    It's good.  You should buy it.  (Amazon.com!)

The entire story is told via emails and texts between the different characters, and within the first 50 pages, there is this beautiful 3-page passage that I just loved.  It's far too long to share the entire thing... I fear it's a bit more plagiarism than I could get away with. :)

"... There is so much more to be gained from having an open heart than from having a closed one.  We are afraid to admit to others what we are really thinking, because we fear that the other person won't like us for what we have to say.  We worry that if they know our true hearts they won't like us. But how much better is it to be loved for who you are, than for who you are pretending to be, who a person thinks you are, when it is not the real you?..."

The first line of this really touched me where I am right now.  I am a very trusting person usually.  Too much trusting.  I want to engage with you, and it really doesn't take much to get me to trust you.  I am probably very manipulable.  Not probably.  I know I am. It is a quality that I both like and dislike about myself.  I like that my bent is to think the better of you from the get-go, rather than the opposite.  I like that my heart's desire is for you to be worthy of that trust.  What I don't like is how often that blows up in my face.  How often I learn later that maybe trusting someone wasn't the best plan.  How when my "I trust you" blinders come off and I see more clearly, I wonder with pain and almost-shame, "How on earth did I let that person hoodwink me so completely?"  I'm not stupid... I think I just want you so much to be worth it, and oh it hurts to know you took that and ran with it.

A bit too much self-revelation for a Monday, maybe?

In any case, I was thinking of this a lot on Saturday night... and so to read this passage on Sunday afternoon... "There is so much more to be gained from having an open heart than from having a closed one..."  Maybe there was a little bit in that to say to me "You know what?  It's okay."  Maybe offering trust hurts.  But every once in a while, it brings the opportunity for great love and friendship, too.

Edit:  Pam now has a 2nd book in the series out called The Wishing Rock Theory of Life. You can buy it here at her website or on Amazon or wherever else it is!

Nice people.

There are some really nice people out there, and you can stumble upon them without even trying.

My McKenzie has a few YouTubers that she likes... one in particular is this lady from Seattle.  I've watched her videos to check her out, and she seems cool, so I've given my blessing.  McKenzie just thinks Cynthia is fantastic.  Once a week, she does a live videochat with her followers, where her viewers can type in questions and she'll answer them live via webcam.

A week or so ago, McKenzie was watching and was SO EXCITED that Cynthia answered TWO of her questions.  She literally was over the moon.  I was delighted to see her SO thrilled that, on a whim, I searched out the email address for Cynthia, and wrote to her to thank her for making my little girl so happy.  I'd mentioned some of McKenzie's peer interaction struggles and McKenzie's twitter name.  Cynthia wrote me back a really nice response, and I was happy enough with that.

Since then, I've noticed she's made a concerted effort to respond to McKenzie when she tweets to her.  I just think that's really nice.  She doesn't know McKenzie... She doesn't get anything out of it.  But she takes the time to make a little girl's day.

This mom is very grateful.

Keep your eyes out...  those really nice people are everywhere if you just keep your eyes open.

Starbucks

There is something I like about going to my Starbucks every morning.  I don't think it has anything to do with the coffee.  Indeed, there are many other better places to go for coffee in my area.  I began going to this Starbucks in the morning simply because it was the closest coffee place to my house.  It's easy to drop the kids off at school, run down for a latte, and be back home just in time to kiss my husband goodbye as he walks out the door for work.

But it's more than proximity...  I think I just like walking in and knowing the people there.  I change my "drink of choice" about once a season.  Winter was "vanilla latte with 2 pumps peppermint"...  This spring,  it's just a simple hazelnut one.  If my favorite baristas are working, they smile and say "No need, I've got it!"  I like chatting with them over the making of my drink.  I like the one guy who works there... simply because he's a  Husky fan and, if I happen to be wearing an Oregon shirt that day, he mocks that he isn't going to make my drink.

Maybe it's just that it's typically my first adult interaction of the day.  It's five minutes of talking to actual people before I return home to dishes and laundry.

And maybe it's just the steady of the known.  People I'm familiar with.  A drink I know I'm going to like.  A loved routine.  A simple comfort to start out each day.  Kind of like blogging after I get home has become.  No matter what happens the rest of the day, I get to start out each day with a bit of hot coffee and a chance to put my thoughts down on paper...  a moment of quiet before the "busy" starts all over again.

Nothing new...

A week or so ago, I stumbled across a blog I used to write long ago.  2005ish...

I read through a bunch of old posts...  smiled at some of the things I held important at the time.  Things that were bothering me.  Things I held dear.  Things I needed to tell people about.

I smiled at the post talking about wanting to increase my reader base.  That used to be really important to me... before I got burned out on writing for others, I was sure I was going to make a published writer out of myself.  Whereas now?  I just like writing.  I like writing for my friends.  I even like glancing at the visit feed over there in the sidebar and knowing who stopped by... "Oh Misty read today!  Oh there's Lisa!"  I don't know why... I just like knowing who's part of it with me, maybe?

I laughed at some of the frustrations I had with my kids... how stressed out and crazy I was.  How I truly didn't think I was going to survive kindergarten.  And yet, here I am today, still alive and kicking, certainly mentally healthier than I was then... and yet still wondering how on earth I am going to survive three girls in puberty at the same time.

I even stumbled across a post I'd written about fame and its downfalls, penned while in my Orlando Bloom phase.  (Oh yes... the crush I had on Will Turner...)  It was interesting to note, when I shared it with a friend, that I don't think much differently now than I did then... that my "voice" is still very much the same.  I think there was something about seeing that which pleased me.  I think it's because I haven't written regularly for a few years, and it was perhaps good to know that it was still in me.  I laughed, thinking of all the crap Sara used to give me about Orlando Bloom, and all the clippings I used to get from Nattie... that might have made me cry a little.

Indeed, there was much I cringed to read.  I began to understand a little bit why my friend Stacey purges her blog from time to time.  At the same time, it was kind of fun to get to know the girl I was then.  I'm not really her anymore... but at the same time, I am.

2nd Place

"Noelle's bringing me two pieces of candy tomorrow..."  We were in the car for an after-school Dairy Queen run yesterday, and this was Casey's announcement from the backseat.

"That's nice of her," I replied.  "For anything special?"

"Well, I ran in a race today and I won 2nd place!"

"Good for you!!  Who were you racing against?"

"Bailey."

"Just you and Bailey?"

"Yep!"

I laughed on the inside, her delight in winning 2nd place in a 2-person race.  But, as I thought more about it, it pleased me more and more.  Not for its entertainment value, but just because the attitude impressed me.  Sure, she came in last.  But, her approach to it was that she won 2nd place.  I thought that was a pretty cool attitude.

It's not necessarily whether we win or lose... it's just that we play.  That we have the courage to risk losing the race to throw our hat in the ring.  And even when we lose, we find a way to see it as winning, even if it's not the world's definition of it.

Heroes and Intentions

I found myself thinking more about the idea of us all writing our own story, being the heroes of our own stories.  The decisions we give our heroes, the mistakes we allow them to make.

If you will forgive me a CT reference...  for those unfamiliar with the show, it is performed by five men who each portray their own loose role.  One of the guys, Ryan, has fulfilled the role of a somewhat darker, jaded character, dubbed by fans to be the Dark Destroyer.  During the first year or so of promotional interviews, he would frequently get asked some question related to that, and how he got to be cast in that role.  Typically, he'd bring up that, at the time of his audition, he'd been playing Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar and "you can't get much more evil than that!" <--- Loose quote... no idea if that's verbatim.

I always found the answer to be curious... I may very well be the only person who feels this way, but I always appreciated the show of Jesus Christ Superstar for the very reason that it gave me insight into the person of Judas.  Previous to that, I DID always see Judas as the Great Betrayer, evil incarnate.  But, it was through the music of the show that I began to see Judas less as evil, but more as... just wrong.  The hero, too, of HIS own story.  A man with good intentions, believing that what he was doing would bring about the right course... but wrong. Very wrong.

They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.. and perhaps that's more than true.  I think we do many things that are less-than-right because we believe that it will bring about a good result.  But, doing with good intentions is not quite the same as doing good, and therein lies the downfall, the struggle, and the choice.

One of those days.

Today is just one of those days.

No, not one of those.  The GOOD kind.

It's a day that I'm just full of happiness and joy in being alive.  The sun is shining.  It's beautiful outside.  My family are all happy and healthy. I was up early and back to my WW meeting, back on the straight and narrow.  I am about to spend the day with my best friend.  I am surrounded by people that I love, and who love me back.  I am SO SO blessed with love and friendship in my life.

It's just one of those moments when everything that is wrong... is okay.  Not that everything is peachy and roses and perfect.  But... it's okay.  It'll all be okay.  And maybe I won't still feel that way in 20 minutes.  Maybe the euphoria of this "I AM SO BLESSED" will wear off when I get up and start cleaning the kitchen.  But that, too, is okay... because right now, I'm just going to revel in the gift of feeling so loved and blessed, and whatever comes next will, too, be okay.

Thank you to each one of you who contributed in some small way to making THIS SINGLE MOMENT so very good.  May you have one of your own as well!

Our own hero

"Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." --John Barth


I love this quote. I love it. I love it. I love it.  I read it a couple years ago, and I always come back to it, over and over.  A thought that tumbles in the back of my mind constantly.


Life is conflict. It just is.  Unless we choose to be hermits, we spend our lives in contact with other people.  Other very flawed people, of which I include ourselves as well.  There will be conflict! There will be drama.  Oh, I hear you, you insisters that you do not do drama and I laugh.  Goodnaturedly. I have been known to make the same claim.  Yet, I think I would almost argue that the people who declare this the loudest are the same people who are constantly in the midst of it.  Conflict is a part of our lives... and we don't conflict with the natural world so much.  I've never cried over a box of laundry soap (although it is entirely possible that I have cried over a laundry soap COMMERCIAL). We conflict with people.  Crazy, messed-up, selfish people.  And I can say that because I, too, am one of them.


When in that conflict, it is so easy to begin to see yourself as the victim.  YOU are the one being hurt.  YOU are the one being persecuted.  They are wrong and you are right... because, you see, YOU are the hero. This is your story and you are the protagonist... which makes anyone who is against you the antagonist.  But flip that around a moment, please.  For while they are the antagonist to your story, so too are you the antagonist to theirs.  They have their own story to write... and in theirs, you are the enemy and they are the hero.  They have their own struggles, their own hurts, their own goals, their own dreams.


There is something about this idea that I like...  I don't know if I find it comforting or just... that it helps me to make a little bit of sense out of the world.  In the grand scheme of things, I find there are really not that many bad people.  But, the world IS full of people writing their own stories... maybe writing them badly, maybe giving their hero terrible decisions... but all trying to make it to the epilogue in one piece.  I think I find this makes it easier for me to have compassion.

Five Things I'm Grateful For

1.  Words.  Just simple words... but not just ANY words, either.  I love that there are specific words that make me smile...  not because they're great words in their own right, but because they spring to mind a particular situation or a person or an event that makes me smile... pineapple, stockings, vegetables, a goat named Chester. Words that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, except perhaps to those who have shared the same experience.  It takes very little to pop them to mind, but the warmth they bring is precious.

2.  My kids.  Yes, my girls are getting to an age where hormones are started to rear their little heads, mood swings are becoming more rampant, and we're getting more and more serious about moving to Montana without telling them.  But they're also getting to an age where their senses of humor are becoming more refined.  They're learning what's funny and what isn't... they're learning the fine art of comedic timing... and they make me laugh so much sometimes.  When they were younger, you laughed because they were unintentionally funny... but now, it's more with genuine appreciation for the wit they're developing and that's pretty cool!

3.  Old friends.  There is a comfort and an importance wrapped up in old friends.  People who have known you when you were at your best, and also when you were at your worst... and yet still remain your friends.  People who know the things you have struggled with, the things you have conquered, and the things that have conquered you.  There is an ease there... the words don't have to be many, because there is a shared understanding when something is said.  Perhaps the verbal equivalent of a hand on your shoulder when someone knows you are broken... words need not be said.  But in that touch, you know there is understanding and comfort and love.  and that is what you need.

4.  Second chances.  When I first started being a fan of CT, there was this small band of fans on their website.  One girl lived in Tacoma, which is not far from here.  I was going to be spending spring break at my mom's, and this girl sent me a note asking me if I wanted to stop for coffee on my way back home.  And I was scared.  I was SO SO SURE that, sure, maybe she liked me online... but that if she met me in person, I was POSITIVE that wouldn't be the case anymore.  To save myself from the hurt of that eventuality, I totally ignored her invitation.  Yes, I did.  A month or so later, Sharon and a couple CT boys came to town, and I ended up meeting the aforementioned girl at the event...  I will always be grateful for the opportunity we had to meet...  I had no idea that we would become the best friends we are now.  And I'm grateful that she didn't throw her water in my face for totally blowing her off before.  :)  Or for stealing her seat.

5.  Unconditional love.  I have had many people in my life in the past who have exhibited this with me... or as close as we can get to it as humans... people who have loved me, despite my mistakes and my faults, and who have helped me to become a better person along the way.  I am grateful for that in its own right...  but also for the example.  So that now, when I am in the place of having to extend the same type of love to someone else, I have a guide and real-life examples of what it looks like to be that sort of friend.

Doesn't really matter

It's funny how we think things matter.

I remember several years back, my friends and I were involved in this blogging community... and I'm not really even sure how we got introduced to this girl.  Those I still know who were around then will know of whom I speak...  She was... I guess, you would say she was on the fringes of mainstream Christianity.  I don't even remember what denomination or anything she was.  She was very... forceful... in her opinions, could be quite a bit rude to those who disagreed with her *cracks up at understatement*, and most of the time, just seemed rather hateful.  I always think of her at Rosh Hashanah.  lol

In any case, I think she tore apart one of my friends, and thus began a jump to her defense.  But one thing led to another, and this girl sort of became the center of this online soap opera.  Every day, we would check her blog.  See what she was ranting about this time.  Often post in her comments to disgree, to defend, to piss off.  And, amongst ourselves, even when we weren't posting on her blog or blogging our own posts in response, she was the topic of irate conversation.  She made us mad.  She hurt those we loved.  And in our esteem, she needed to stop.  We were totally focused.  (lol  Status wars for writers...  before there was Facebook, there were pointed passive aggressive bloggers!)

And several years later?  I have to work to remember her name.  I have to really think hard to remember what it is that she, or we, would get so up in arms about.  I don't think I could even FIND her blog, if she even still has one, to see what she's on about now.

Life moves on.  What encompasses our thoughts and our hearts and our minds is in constant flux.  And usually, what we think matters... in the long run, it usually just doesn't.  Time keeps marching.  Lives change.  People grow and move on.

There are things that matter... but most of what we allow ourselves to focus on simply doesn't fit in that box.

Maybe that sounds negative, but it really isn't.  Sometimes it's a comfort to know that the trivialities of today are nothing but a gentle, quickly-fading, ripple in the current of a life.

A Day With Sephira

We decided to head down to the Seattle Center yesterday to catch a bit of the Irish Festival, going on at the Center House.  Perfect timing, we walked in right in the middle of Sephira's set!  So it was lovely to stand off to the side and watch these young women perform.  Hip and cool and beautiful!!  The little girls dancing in front of the stage were transfixed, and who wouldn't be?  Some gorgeous ethereal pieces, a few peppy instrumentals borrowed from Celtic Thunder, everyone was happy!

After shopping about a bit, we headed back to my house for a quick-change, and then it was back to the Seattle area for Sephira's concert in Shoreline.  We were selling CDs, so arrived a bit early to figure what was going on with that.  I thought it was great fun to watch everyone come in... the red hat ladies, the families, the little kids, the CT fans.  We had a couple baskets of pretty polished rocks with words to Sephira's songs inscribed on them, and it was delightful to watch people dig through them, trying to find just the right one that spoke to their soul in that moment.  A fun little pre-show activity!

The Gothard Sisters opened for Sephira, and they could not have been more adorable.  Three blonde sisters (not triplets!) from the ages of 15 to 22ish (?), they were fantastic!  I'd heard their name before, but had never heard or seen them.  A little fiddling, a little dancing, a little singing... they were so infectious and enthusiastic, I found myself WANTING them to do well.  And they definitely did.  I had a great time watching them... they made me laugh, they made me cry.  I'm sold.  If you live in the Seattle area, definitely check them out...  I'm looking forward to seeing if they have any performances I can get my kids to in the upcoming weeks.  I think my girls would really get a kick out of them!

Intermission, a few more sold CDs, and then it was back to our seats for Round II!

Sephira was wonderful!  As a longtime Celtic Thunder fan, I've enjoyed watching the spritely delight of Ruth and Joyce over the past few years, and their concert was a beautiful look into the incredible musicians they are in their own right.  Some of the most beautiful young women I've ever seen, they carry an ethereal beauty onto the stage... and yet there is a realness that lies just underneath the surface that makes it impossible not to like them.

Most of the vocals come from Joyce and she is really just a beautiful vocalist.  I almost wished we'd knocked off some of those CT guys in the past so we could have heard HER in a CT show before this!  Really breathtaking... I think my favorite moment of the night from Joyce was the encore song she sang.  Something about a faire.  No instrumentals.  No accompaniment.  Just the purity of her voice carrying through the theater and cutting through the expectant silence, interrupted by nothing (save for the Red Hat Lady sitting behind us who picked THIS moment to gravelly ask her neighbor if Ruth and Joyce were sisters).  The harmonies when they sing together are truly beautiful as well!

The girls are amazing when they play... so much talent.  Truly.  I would watch Ruth's fingers run along her violin, the bow weaving back and forth, and I was just amazed at how much talent and dedication were wrapped up in this performance.  They are energetic, a delight to watch.  I was never quite certain if I loved them more when they were swaying to their own playing, wrapped up in the music, or when they were facing each other, delighted smiles on their faces, as they played against one another.  I'm so glad I got to go and watch them in person!

But these energetic talented girls... are just girls.  And that makes them even more fun and rewarding to watch.  The interplay between songs kept a smile on my face...  seeing this tall gorgeous classic beauty grin at the audience as she calls her sister "annoying" keeps them real.  Watching Joyce and Ruth with their fans after the show, signing autographs, hearing their stories... I was struck with how gracious and real these two young women are.  Kind, happy to be where they are, grateful.

A true joy to experience.

Are you a turtle?

It’s a moment of disbelief in the movies.  That moment when the bad guy is run through with the sword,  shot with the gun, pierced through the heart.  It’s as if he thought he was invincible and no one could touch him.  He could never lose because he was all-powerful, in charge, running the show.  Nothing could bring him down.  And then he’s hit.  He never really seems to feel pain until he looks down and sees the undeniable proof in his chest.  

Even as he’s been stabbed.. the blood is pouring.. the pain is hitting his body’s nerves… he doesn’t really believe it until he sees it for himself.  It is only then that he looks up at the hero’s face, accusing and yet full of emotional pain.  How dare he intrude on the villain’s most core beliefs in his own invincibility?  And it is here, only too late, that our beloved villain sees the cracks in his well-constructed façade… that he, too, is mere human and subject to that which befalls us all.  Doubt, mistakes, well-meant but erring intentions, and sometimes.. just plain being wrong.

We all fall into this place... maybe not stabbed with a gilt sword, but with the words of another or the actions of a friend.  Initially, we fall into this place of disbelief as well.. shock that someone we loved could act so, that they could deign to hurt us.  Outrage follows… denial, grief.  We pull into ourselves, like a turtle being attacked, convincing our hearts that if we don’t move, then we won’t hurt.  But, like our villain’s beliefs in his inability to be touched, so is this a façade that we try to live within.  Perhaps, without moving, we won’t consciously feel that pain… but we won’t be living either.  And then no one wins.

This place of turtling, while understandable and a normal response, is often one of selfishness, carried out with no other purpose than to protect ourselves.  Eventually… a turtle has to move, has to brave the outside world to go on with its life.  So do we.  Eventually, we must climb over our own selfishness, our own need to self-protect, and find a higher purpose than just not hurting.

It is only there that we will live and love and dream.