Monday, December 12, 2011

A tug-o-war of thoughts

Something I've been thinking on with absolutely no conclusions...   Today is not a 'complete thought' sort of day, but you can come along while I think.

Sometimes I feel pulled between two seemingly-conflicting mindsets:

1.  "It's not the people that stand by your side when you're at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you're at your worse that are your true friends."

2.  "Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth... The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special, too."

I believe both of these.  I believe in the kind of love where you stand by your friends and loved ones, even when they're stupid and kinda don't deserve it.  I want to be that kind of friend, and I have friends who are that person to me.  When you have that kind of people in your life, you want to be that kind of people, too.  Though I often fall short of who I want to be and the kind of friend I want to be, I keep trying.

But... I find the flipside, too, to be something to be believed in.  There comes a point in your relationships where you have to take an honest look and accept that the people you love don't also love you.  When you get there, you have to take the hard step and leave it behind.  It hurts to do that.  For so long, you live in a place of "things could be different if only..."  But, you can't live in if-only's, and there is always a place where you have to have more respect for yourself than you've been giving. You have to be able to get to a place where you can assert, "I'm worth more than this" and act on it.

The tug-o-war between these two ties me in knots sometimes.  I suppose the biggest question mark is just knowing when "standing by in love" becomes "being a doormat."  I want the former. I don't want the latter.  But sometimes my desires to be a good friend and my beliefs in respecting yourself just leave me feeling conflicted and confused.

Photo Credit: Bev Sykes


  1. ...sigh...not just friends, but family also. You're right, it's a tug of war.

  2. I so know that place. Sometimes I try b/c I think I've done something & I can change things, but there does eventually come a point when the light bulb goes on & I realize I can't control or change things. That's when knowing you're ok regardless, & liking yourself is vital. Sure there will be a grieving process for the friendship you valued & wanted that didn't happen, but if you're ok with yourself & who you are, it helps in moving forward & on. There are others in our lives who do love & value us & show it, & that means so much

  3. "big breath" is a HUGE tug-of-war, one that I always seem to loose whether it be friends or family!

  4. That first quote pretty much sums up 2011 for me.


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